The Root of Passive Aggressive Behavior

     Passive aggressive behavior is a sure sign that you are losing contact with your higher power. Higher power, to some, may be better defined as personal power, depending on differing beliefs. To me, my higher power is synonymous with my ability to remember that not trying to control things, in the name of my own personal gain, is the best decision and reaps the most rewards.
     In a lot of ways, being a recovering alcoholic has made me a better parent. I look at my four kids and they remind me of a bunch of mini alcoholics; they're selfish, it's always someone else's fault, and they are always thinking about how to get what they want next.
     Any time the smallest irritation starts to tingle your Medulla, you can be sure that there is something that you are wanting next that is in immediate danger of being messed with. I will be the first to admit that Jim Carey is a nut, but at one point in his spiritual searching, very early on, he had a goal of obviating his every need. He figured if he could get rid of all of his needs then he would be constantly peaceful and never disappointed. But, did he find that was true?
     The human experience is a big need machine. It needs Needs. It needs food, water, and air. If it didn't need those things, then it would cease to function, become stagnant, and rot away—never again reproducing and exchanging its cells.
     It is healthy for the soul to need something too. And, just because the body or soul needs something, doesn't necessarily mean that giving it what it asks for, all the time, is good for it. In fact- to discipline the body, is to feed the spirit. It is actually physically beneficial to limit your body's needs, both observably and scientifically.
     Research suggests that the less oxygen (a free radical) your body uses, the stronger, longer, and healthier its cells will withstand deterioration. So people who learn to breath deep and slow or to eat moderately, are, in fact, more efficient machines and thus healthier, stronger, and possess greater longevity.
     Now, back to the soul's benefits. The soul should have a need as well, and we should learn to efficiently give it what it needs, too. What does it need? Clarity and faith. The only way to provide that to it is through the use of the mind. Disciplining the mind, like disciplining the body, is hard work. But boy does it pay off!
     What is the payoff? Peace, happiness, and success.
boredom, solitude, accountability
     Slow-deep breathing exercises and a healthy bird-like diet are easy regimens to understand and incorporate when it comes to the body, but what do we do for the soul?
     Give your mind the space it needs to be worry free and it will do the rest. For a lot of people, this might mean changing bad habits or admitting problems with addictions or alcohol. Anything that can make you feel guilty needs to go. It is basic adulthood we're talking here.
     Accountability. Personal accountability is exactly what is defined by its name; personal and therefore different for every individual. Does everyone feel guilty about being 10 pounds overweight? Of course not. For some, a little meat on their bones is a preference, and in their eyes, healthier feeling and more attractive. For others, it feels more sluggish, or looks less attractive. These are personal preferences, perhaps established early on in life, and unshakable in their adulthood.
     It is for that reason that individuals will have differing ideas of what guilty should feel like. To some, racism is not something they feel guilty about feeling. This is an extreme example, but nevertheless, it is true for some, still to this day. Does it mean that it is not wrong in a modern worldly sense? Again, the answer is obvious, no. But for that individual, the opinion of racism may not be something that is keeping their spirit free to experience guilt-free-living. Now, if they later are exposed to modern thought practices and communities, it may begin to weigh on them, and at that time they may need to consciously take a self-inventory to prune away some guilty practices and make room for more freedom.
     Taking a personal moral inventory is an important step in keeping lines open to your personal power through your creator or belief. Regardless of what we think, the subconscious punishes us through limiting reward based on our ability to adhere to our self-established guidelines of good and wrong doing.
     In an experiment, a scientist labeled thirty rat-cages with stickers that stated that half of them were 'dumb' rats and the other half were 'smart' rats. He then gave the rats to thirty different people and instructed them to put their rat through a maze scenario (timing each rat for performance). The results were exactly as you would think, and as they thought as well. The dumb rats performed twice as badly as the smart rats. Why? Because, the experiment holders thought they would! Simply because of a label on a cage and the preconceived judgement the Experimenters had of the rats, the outcome was skewed.
     It has been argued that everything from mental energy to physical nuances in the way the rats were treated were to blame. For instance, the experimenters may have handled the 'dumb rats' more roughly than the experimenters who handled the 'smart rats', simply due to the fat of the value they placed on the rats before the experiment-- and rough handling has been known to decrease a rat's performance. But, even if that was the case, you can see that our judgement of even another entity has subconscious results that cause adverse effect, and limit rewards. To the self, it is the same.

Ninjutsu, ninja, bujinkan, Karate
   Once an adult understands the repercussion of such self-judgement, they can begin to shear away behaviors that may be limiting their success. In fact, it is in 'good' behavior that success comes. The better we see ourselves being, the more rewards we allow ourselves to achieve. Failing to comply to our own personal standards is the greatest obstacle in our lives and in the lives of those we love. This is why, the first thing taught in kids Karate classes (which teach kids how to defend themselves) is self-discipline. When we are young, the lesson is taken as 'not using our skills on the weak'. But in more ancient forms of martial arts like Ninjutsu, self-discipline is more deeply studied for its effects on the outcome of confrontation. It is known that 'recognized good self behavior' earns one the intrinsic right to be the victor of a dangerous confrontation against one whose actions are selfish or brute (wrong doing). Classic good conquering evil.
     When someone gets into a physical confrontation with another human being, their ability to act violently, if necessary, will be limited if they believe they may be in the wrong. Some of the most dangerous martial artists I have met are also the nicest people I have ever come across. But cross them and they most possibly will break your spine.

Read more about passive aggressive behavior and ridding adulthood of boredom, addiction, and solitude in Jay M. Horne's book:
The Only Thing I Like About Living

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